seth godin highlights this 'beat our cashier at rock paper scissors and get a dollar off promotion' in his latest post. He goes on to suggest this as a strategy to all businesses, and asks the rhetorical question "What's the worst that could happen?" and answers it with a couple things that don't sound all that bad: higher morale, better service, more fun and ice cream for everyone!
Proving that Seth Godin has obviously never worked a retail job in his life.
What's the worst that could happen? Well, my guess is that June 20th probably went down like this:
"Paper covers rock sir, I'm sorry"
"Well, best two out of three?"
"Sorry sir, the promotion states we only do a single round"
"Well can I get a dollar off anyways?"
"Sorry, you have to win the rock paper scissors game in order to get the discount"
"Why can't you just give me the dollar off?"
"Because the promotion states that you must win the game in order to receive the discount"
"Can my wife play you and get the dollar off?"
"Sorry, we only allow one game per party"
"Well, why can't my wife play you"
"One game per party sir"
"Well, I think I should get the dollar off"
"Ok, sir"
"Ok, you'll give me the dollar off?"
"No sir, you have to win the game in order to get the dollar off"
"Well what kind of stupid shit is that?"
"That's the promotion sir"
or, quite possibly like this:
"Would you like to play rock paper scissors and get a dollar off?"
"What?"
"We're running a promotion. If you win a game of rock paper scissors you get a dollar off your order"
"Why?"
"It's a promotion"
"I don't want to play that shit. I just want my food"
Here's an idea for a promotion -- treat your employees like fucking adults and not three year olds. This RPS game sounds like exactly the sort of stupid shit that someone in the marketing department thinks will be 'fun' without any day to day knowledge of what is actually happening on the ground in their stores and without ever having dealt with a customer. Guess what, Seth? It's not "FUN" to be forced to do dumb bullshit that is going to make your day a hell of a lot longer. I always wondered where all these ridiculous fucking ideas that just fly in the fucking face of reality come from and then i started reading your blog. It was an epiphany of sorts -- I pulled back the curtain expecting a drunk clown and it was a man in a sweater and glasses.
Seriously, dude. Work ONE week in retail. Try to make your ideas about 'better serving people' a reality. See how people actually behave, and then you'll realize why all these things that supposedly 'get in the way of selling' exist -- because a lot of people are jerks.
and turn on your fucking comments, pussy.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
one
When I got off the train I called Matt immediately.
"Dude, I just saw retard fall down the stairs"
"What?"
"It was intense. He was deaf"
"What?"
"I was on the train, and I meet this deaf guy, I mean, he met me. I was coming back from the cafe car with a drink, and he saw me and asked 'Hey do they have alcohol here?', I told them they did, and then he came back with a cup and pulled a fucking tallboy from his bag"
"Yeah"
"And then we got to fucking Berkeley -- that was his stop. Like, I was talking to him the whole way -- he was teaching me shit, like sign language shit. He taught me 'bitch', 'bastard', and some other crap. Here's what's fucked up though -- he was going to Berkeley to visit his friend in the hospital."
"Yeah?"
"His friend has fucking colon cancer. And he's a deaf retard. And he fell down the fucking stairs. He just goes over ther, and does a 'FUCK YEAH' sorta thing, throws the devil horns up, and then CLUNK down the fucking stairs."
"Down the fucking stairs man."
"I run over there and he split open a fucking can of beer in his bag, and he's fucking laying there, and the conductor stops the train, and calls in the paramedics, and he's just fucking moaning."
"And they call over the intercom 'Is there a doctor on the train? Or a nurse?' And this lady comes up and she's a nurse or nurse practicioner, and she's trying to talk to him, and he doesn't want to say anything, I think because he thinks people are trying to get him in trouble for having beer, and then the paramedics show up and look at all the beer everywhere and think he pissed himself or something, and they try to ask him 'Sir, sir? Are you OK? There's a lot of liqid on the ground here. Are you OK?' And the motherfucker was just trying to visit his friend in the hospital, and that's what's fucked up"
"And you know what's even more fucked up? So I'm talking to this guy -- I mean, as best I can -- and he's like, 'Yeah, I could've had a kid, I could've had a kid', apparently he had a wife who died, or his son died or something, so this guy is fucking a deaf retard, AND he's lost his girlfriend, AND he's lost his son. That's fucked up man."
"Yeah."
"I'm having a cigarette right now. Fuck it. I'm going home and having a drink. It's kind of intense. I don't know why. I was just talking to the guy. I feel responsible, but I mean, what am I going to do? Would've he fallen down the stairs if I wasn't there? I don't fucking know. But he fell down the fucking stairs dude. They carried him off on one of those stretchers. He was just visiting his friend. Fucking intense."
"Yeah.":
"And I mean, I'm just gonna go home. I'm gonna go home and have a drink and none of this shit is going to matter, but that deaf retard is going to be in the fucking hospital. And his friend is in the hospital. And his son is dead, or whatever. Fucking christ, this guy"
"You should've seen him. He had the full on army jacket, fucking camo everywhere -- I don't know what it is with retards and the military -- fucking the army and fucking wrestling and fucking retards. And you know what was fucked up? I was talking to this guy like he was fucking three -- hey man, look at those lights, hey that's cool, and then the next set of big lights that came up, he'd point them out to me, like a fucking parrot, and I wanted to say, hey, man, you don't have to impress me, hey, man, just tell me what your life is like, but there's no way he could do that and I had no business asking".
"Dude, I just saw retard fall down the stairs"
"What?"
"It was intense. He was deaf"
"What?"
"I was on the train, and I meet this deaf guy, I mean, he met me. I was coming back from the cafe car with a drink, and he saw me and asked 'Hey do they have alcohol here?', I told them they did, and then he came back with a cup and pulled a fucking tallboy from his bag"
"Yeah"
"And then we got to fucking Berkeley -- that was his stop. Like, I was talking to him the whole way -- he was teaching me shit, like sign language shit. He taught me 'bitch', 'bastard', and some other crap. Here's what's fucked up though -- he was going to Berkeley to visit his friend in the hospital."
"Yeah?"
"His friend has fucking colon cancer. And he's a deaf retard. And he fell down the fucking stairs. He just goes over ther, and does a 'FUCK YEAH' sorta thing, throws the devil horns up, and then CLUNK down the fucking stairs."
"Down the fucking stairs man."
"I run over there and he split open a fucking can of beer in his bag, and he's fucking laying there, and the conductor stops the train, and calls in the paramedics, and he's just fucking moaning."
"And they call over the intercom 'Is there a doctor on the train? Or a nurse?' And this lady comes up and she's a nurse or nurse practicioner, and she's trying to talk to him, and he doesn't want to say anything, I think because he thinks people are trying to get him in trouble for having beer, and then the paramedics show up and look at all the beer everywhere and think he pissed himself or something, and they try to ask him 'Sir, sir? Are you OK? There's a lot of liqid on the ground here. Are you OK?' And the motherfucker was just trying to visit his friend in the hospital, and that's what's fucked up"
"And you know what's even more fucked up? So I'm talking to this guy -- I mean, as best I can -- and he's like, 'Yeah, I could've had a kid, I could've had a kid', apparently he had a wife who died, or his son died or something, so this guy is fucking a deaf retard, AND he's lost his girlfriend, AND he's lost his son. That's fucked up man."
"Yeah."
"I'm having a cigarette right now. Fuck it. I'm going home and having a drink. It's kind of intense. I don't know why. I was just talking to the guy. I feel responsible, but I mean, what am I going to do? Would've he fallen down the stairs if I wasn't there? I don't fucking know. But he fell down the fucking stairs dude. They carried him off on one of those stretchers. He was just visiting his friend. Fucking intense."
"Yeah.":
"And I mean, I'm just gonna go home. I'm gonna go home and have a drink and none of this shit is going to matter, but that deaf retard is going to be in the fucking hospital. And his friend is in the hospital. And his son is dead, or whatever. Fucking christ, this guy"
"You should've seen him. He had the full on army jacket, fucking camo everywhere -- I don't know what it is with retards and the military -- fucking the army and fucking wrestling and fucking retards. And you know what was fucked up? I was talking to this guy like he was fucking three -- hey man, look at those lights, hey that's cool, and then the next set of big lights that came up, he'd point them out to me, like a fucking parrot, and I wanted to say, hey, man, you don't have to impress me, hey, man, just tell me what your life is like, but there's no way he could do that and I had no business asking".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)